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Was It A Fluke?

Was It A Fluke?

February 15, 2017

Chapter 84 in the exclusive series for Dynamic Commodities- becoming a commodities trader

I arrived in London, a twenty eight year old trader with a bloated ego. Everything had gone my way since I first sat down in the trading room. Sid chose me to travel the world as his sidekick. On one of my first solo trips I landed a whale of a customer in Sweden. I was promoted to run global marketing after Ralph quit. The transfer to London to run the business was my design. I was feeling mighty good about myself. Then I arrived in London.

Even though the profits started rolling in and management could not have been happier with their decision to send me, I began to doubt myself. The constant barrage from the man I was replacing, Peter Grinham’s departure and attitude, and the general coldness of the staff began to get under my skin. I started to think that all of my success was just a fluke, I thought I was just in the right place at the right time and waited for the next shoe to drop.

I was alone for the first couple of months in the London office living in a hotel room. I wasted my weekends. I had nothing to do and nowhere to go. I would sleep during the day and wind up in the pubs or bars at night. Friday and Saturday nights became a lonely haze fueled by alcohol. While colleagues in the New York office did their fair share of drinking, nothing could compare to the consumption of booze in London and Europe. As the weekends went by the loneliness was only enhanced by my drinking.

Those two months felt like a lifetime. The days in the office were tense and pressure filled with market risk and employee nightmares. I could not wait for Friday night during the week and on the weekends I’d wish I could go back to work. As far as anyone else could see I was on top of the world, but in my head I was deteriorating quickly. My confidence disappeared and I felt lost. When I thought about it on the weekends, I came to the conclusion that what kept me going over the years since college was a goal. I always need something to look forward to and for which to strive. Now that I was a managing director of Philipp Brothers Bullion Limited and in charge of the company’s nickel business the only thing that I could strive for were profits. While my mind focused on earning money for the company and myself it was not enough. I began to feel directionless. Things got a little better when my wife and son arrived and we moved into our flat; however I just could not shake the feeling that my success was nothing more than a fluke. I felt like a fraud with my success built on the failure of others.

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Post Series: Origin Of A Commodities Trader

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